Random thoughts

I'm getting older. That's a fact. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not where I thought I would be at this point. Don't get me wrong, I have a kick ass job. I make good money. I have wonderful kids. Relationship wise, am I where I want to be? I don't know that I am. I can't say for sure that this is where I envisioned myself at this age.

Somehow I thought I'd be living in that white two story house with a picket fence. I was talking to a coworker about it and I told her, 'I wish she would just cheat on me.' How horrible is that?

Another sign I'm getting older, I made a reference to Peter Cetera and someone had to ask who that was.

I'm waiting for a wave of excitement to wash over me....

Breathe

Breathe
Thoughts twisted
braided strands woven
into my life fabric
Breathe
Covering, hiding
alone, finding comfort
Breathe


...I had this recurring thought on the way home last night. Descriptive of where I'm at? Maybe.

I had a talk with her last night. Her being my girlfriend. We kind of laid out our thoughts there on the bed. We put them out so that we could see exactly what each were thinking. I was hoping that it would help me understand her or her understand me. I'm not sure that it did.

While we did get to vent, it seems like we fell in our normal trap of agreeing to disagree. I told her we would try some changes to see what happens but in my mind I'm not sure it's going to make a difference.

I wish I could elaborate more but after living in the moment and replaying it in my head, the best I could do is give you cliff notes:

Me: blah,blah, blah
Her: blah, blah, blah

I still feel myself speeding down the path to singledom.

She's secretly a whore

...okay not really a whore but she's kinky.

I'm kind of in this dilemma. A friend of mine at work kind of digs this girl. He tells me about her over lunch one day. He starts to wax poetic about how cool she is and how she started flirting with him while he was at her office.

Now we work for a HUGE company. There are tons of us spread across multiple buildings. So the chances of me knowing this girl or even seeing her is pretty slim. I ask who it is and he tells me.

Oh shit. I know her.

Then he says that he wants to take it slow with her to see where it goes. WTF?

I have naked pics of this girl in my email already. Take it slow? Why? I talked to her for an hour and she was coming on to me AND sending me naked pics from her cell phone. How crazy is that? She wanted to hook up after work. She was plotting how we could get away for a little bit since she lived close by.

So now I'm stuck between telling him she's a freak and my 'car wreck fascination' to see what happens next.

Beginnnings?

I decided I need some place to deposit my thoughts. Here I am.